Last post I talked about the "hard" and what that meant for me with where I am now:
The hard of the program being that we can see the end, so everyone is getting anxious about "Life after HU"
The hard being the scheduling changes for me as school and softball are hitting full-force.
The hard of the mental and emotional aspects of this journey and life.
And so much more that is hard.
The hard of the program being that we can see the end, so everyone is getting anxious about "Life after HU"
The hard being the scheduling changes for me as school and softball are hitting full-force.
The hard of the mental and emotional aspects of this journey and life.
And so much more that is hard.
But I want to talk about the soft.
2017 has been an incredible roller coaster of a year for me:
High: I was selected as a member of Healthy U
High: I was hired as head softball coach
High: I was honored as Sedalia School District's teacher of the year
High: I entered into a relationship
Low: My grandpa died
Low: One of my former softball players committed suicide
Low: My dog died
High: Meeting weight-loss and non-scale goals
Low: Getting not-so-great medical news
High: The softball team's over-all success this season
Low: An S-C student passed away in a car accident
High: I was hired as head softball coach
High: I was honored as Sedalia School District's teacher of the year
High: I entered into a relationship
Low: My grandpa died
Low: One of my former softball players committed suicide
Low: My dog died
High: Meeting weight-loss and non-scale goals
Low: Getting not-so-great medical news
High: The softball team's over-all success this season
Low: An S-C student passed away in a car accident
My high's have been super high, and my low's super low.
All while trying to stick with my plan of eating right and getting exercise.
Oh, and teaching a rigorous curriculum laced with assessments, monitored by observations.
And also coaching a team, instilling trust, and pouring my soul into my athletes.
Trying to tend to my friendships, relationship and family.
Making decisions of what I should keep by way of responsibilities on my plate and what to get rid of.
All while trying to stick with my plan of eating right and getting exercise.
Oh, and teaching a rigorous curriculum laced with assessments, monitored by observations.
And also coaching a team, instilling trust, and pouring my soul into my athletes.
Trying to tend to my friendships, relationship and family.
Making decisions of what I should keep by way of responsibilities on my plate and what to get rid of.
You're saying "what does this have to do with being soft?"
I have realized over the course of this year that I have softened.
I could tell you, by using my fingers to count, the number of times I cried from 2006-2016. Undoubtedly that number would fit within those ten fingers.
This year, I couldn't put a number to it.
I have cried so many tears and not always because of sadness!
Someone once told me that the more life experiences you have, the more of an emotional reaction you will have because you understand what could be. Life is a constant gamble. We never know what may happen when we leave the house in the morning.
And I think that is why I have softened so much this year.
That, and as I talked in the last post, the mental and emotional-ness that comes with a weight loss journey. Not to mention all the other stuff as well.
I have realized over the course of this year that I have softened.
I could tell you, by using my fingers to count, the number of times I cried from 2006-2016. Undoubtedly that number would fit within those ten fingers.
This year, I couldn't put a number to it.
I have cried so many tears and not always because of sadness!
Someone once told me that the more life experiences you have, the more of an emotional reaction you will have because you understand what could be. Life is a constant gamble. We never know what may happen when we leave the house in the morning.
And I think that is why I have softened so much this year.
That, and as I talked in the last post, the mental and emotional-ness that comes with a weight loss journey. Not to mention all the other stuff as well.
All of my circumstances are causing me to see things in a different perspective.
I'm finally not just thinking about how everyone else feels, but thinking about my own feelings, too.
Which is difficult. Because for the past ten years, as I've said, I just went on living like I didn't have any feelings that mattered.
And I'm learning that just filling my days with committees, foundations, leagues, and all my other responsibilities is such a cheap way to not deal with feelings.
So that's why I've been cutting some things out.
To allow myself time with myself and to actually understand what I am thinking and feeling.
The only problem is that because I have spent most of my life filling my time with everything else, my brain has become a super-fast settler. If that makes sense.
I think through a decision quickly and make that decision quick.
"yes" or "no" comes quickly from me.
But now that I have some time and space I have a LOT of time to over-think and re-think through a lot of things hahaha blessings and curses all around.
I'm finally not just thinking about how everyone else feels, but thinking about my own feelings, too.
Which is difficult. Because for the past ten years, as I've said, I just went on living like I didn't have any feelings that mattered.
And I'm learning that just filling my days with committees, foundations, leagues, and all my other responsibilities is such a cheap way to not deal with feelings.
So that's why I've been cutting some things out.
To allow myself time with myself and to actually understand what I am thinking and feeling.
The only problem is that because I have spent most of my life filling my time with everything else, my brain has become a super-fast settler. If that makes sense.
I think through a decision quickly and make that decision quick.
"yes" or "no" comes quickly from me.
But now that I have some time and space I have a LOT of time to over-think and re-think through a lot of things hahaha blessings and curses all around.
All of these experiences have also caused me to turn to my faith.
I find a peace that I know only God can provide me. A peace that says "Everything will work out the way it needs to" ... even if that means not how I saw it in my "plan"
Because you see, I am a planner. I have been given the title of "Type A" by many people.
It's not a bad thing, but when the vision I had for myself isn't what is happening or what may end up happening, it's hard for me to believe it's supposed to be right if it's not what I've envisioned.
And that has caused me to question a lot of things. But I pray constantly.
Constantly.
I don't mean that as an exaggeration. I have been in constant prayer- whenever my mind wanders, I pray. When there's a lull in the action, I'm praying. When I appear zoned-out, I'm actually in prayer. Driving time is also praying time.
So thank you to everyone who has seen me through the high highs and low lows of this year, and who have been there for me as I have softened and still love me :)
I find a peace that I know only God can provide me. A peace that says "Everything will work out the way it needs to" ... even if that means not how I saw it in my "plan"
Because you see, I am a planner. I have been given the title of "Type A" by many people.
It's not a bad thing, but when the vision I had for myself isn't what is happening or what may end up happening, it's hard for me to believe it's supposed to be right if it's not what I've envisioned.
And that has caused me to question a lot of things. But I pray constantly.
Constantly.
I don't mean that as an exaggeration. I have been in constant prayer- whenever my mind wanders, I pray. When there's a lull in the action, I'm praying. When I appear zoned-out, I'm actually in prayer. Driving time is also praying time.
So thank you to everyone who has seen me through the high highs and low lows of this year, and who have been there for me as I have softened and still love me :)
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