Judgement

I truthfully don't know how to start or what to say. 

I am learning the affect that judgement has on me. 

I have never felt as judged as I have the past 3-ish months.
And the feeling I feel is crippling. 

I'm not being judged for my weight, looks, or ability.
It's because of decisions I have made or decisions that someone close to me has made.
I am being judged for my emotions or lack thereof.
It's unfair and quite frankly it's hurtful. 

I know what I believe in my heart.
I know that it is of God, and I pray that I am right.

Life gets really hard to navigate when you throw all these extra people and feelings into it.
And right now, I'm just broken.
Broken by other people's perception.
Which shouldn't bother me at all, because I am a "Strong, Independent Woman of integrity" blah blah blah 

I have had my heart broken in more ways than one this past year and it is a daily struggle to continue down the road of eating right, staying positive, and living my life.
If anything, all of this is strengthening my faith, which I always thought was pretty strong, but now I'm seeing that I have to lean completely on faith for this.
Because of the judgement.
I know that God is not going to judge me. 

A few quick pictures and then I will end this post: 

The picture on the left is from probably two years ago. The picture on the right is from last Saturday. I'm not wearing make-up in the "now" picture, and there is no filter applied. 

The picture on the left is from March of this year. The picture on the right is from Homecoming, which was Sept. 29th. My jeans on the left are a size 16, on the right a size 12. 

My mom and I have been working on this at the same time. On the left is a picture from when I was announced Teacher of the Year for our district in February. The picture on the right was from this morning at church. The shirt I'm wearing on the left is an XXL, size 18 pants. On the right is a dress size 14. 

Alright, that's all I have for today.